How do you pick the Douchiest one?

Tonight, I’ll be hosting the ‘Douchiest Song
Challenge’ a spur of the moment song contest thought
up by Mitchell Adam Johnson, which brings titans of
the music world head to head in creating soul
filling ballads and heart wrenching lyrics for your
aural pleasure.

Given the title of the event, I’ve decided it’s
apropos to review the songs before anyone else has a
chance to. I hope you tune in to see if my reviews
fit your thoughts on these fine pieces of
tunesmithing. The songs will be available to
download here  and links will be active after the listening party Saturday
night.

The jewelry completes the ensemble

You’re An Angel – JD Micklemack

JD has a way with lyrics. Whether they’re filled
consonants or vowels, he manages to hit all the
right notes to make the ladies purr.

By wanting to find his perfect mate in an angel, he
not only fulfills finding his match in a deified
partner, but also manages to slide in a forbidden
love mere mortals could never accomplish. Bravo, JD!
Here’s hoping your offspring populate the heavens
with more power ballads like this one!

You’ll be my number two!

The Angel I Need – Toby Thomsen

Toby has a way with lyrics. Whether they’re scat,
bebop, or bodacious, he manages to hit all the right
notes to make the ladies purr.

By finding his muse in a local lady who inspires his
muse in a way he finds amusing, Toby proves his
mastery of all things vocal, including skiddley bop
bop, Rrrrooobie doobie doobie do, and especially his
A pick it, boom. Truer words have never been
uttered. Here’s hoping your offspring populate the
heavens with more power ballads like this one!

I love you as much as my PBR

You, A Beer, and My Truck – Trey McClayton

Trey has a way with lyrics. Whether he ponders about
his lady, his brew, or his vehicle, he manages to
hit all the right notes to make the ladies purr.

By repeating his mantra over and over, ‘You, Beer,
Truck’, a quiet calmness and inspiration overtakes
me. The Simple things have never been so clear.
Here’s hoping your offspring populate the heavens
with more power ballads like this one!

Dance MF – D.B. Rouse

D.B.has a way with lyrics. Whether he’s Dancing,
Driving to the dance floor, or bumming a ride to the
dance hall, he manages to hit all the right notes
to make the ladies purr.

By finding a drum machine and a midi sampler, he’s
encapsulated a modern day rapper’s paradise with a
bpm that other MFers will die for. Here’s hoping
your offspring populate the heavens with more
raptastic songs like this one!

Krystofer is the man. at least he keeps telling us that.

Second Cousin (SQ – Quadrophonic Mix) – MetalShaft
Alice Featuring Krystofer Jayye Heartbreakzz

MetalShaft has a way with lyrics. Whether alluding
to an allegory of special syntax, or looking to get
lucky in the cold, dark area underneath the staging
the roadies never fully secured, they manage to hit
all the right notes to make the ladies purr.

By purchasing a guitar and amplifier, MetalShaft has
found a unique way to repeat the same 3 chords over
and over again to make their fans all runny. Here’s
hoping their offspring populate the heavens with
more hard rocking songs like this one!

Nothing shows being pensive more than brooding out a window

Ace of Hearts – R.O.A. (Road of Absolution)

R.O.A. has a way with lyrics. Whether he’s stringing
letters together in a random manner, or attempting
to sound like an auctioneer on steroids, he
manages to hit all the right notes to make the
ladies purr.

By picking up a guitar and figuring out how to sing
notes into a microphone, He’s managed to exude a
unique sound that few can repeat or others might
wish to. Here’s hoping his offspring populate the
heavens with more hard rocking songs like this one!

I care. Look how much I care. (Puppy dog eyes)

To Girls – Love, Boys – Levi James

Levi James has a way with lyrics. Whether he’s
lurking on the campus quad stalking his last
breakup, or longing for the cashier at the Dunkin
donuts, he still manages to hit all the right notes
to make the ladies purr.

By learning his trademark ‘repeat the same word over
and over until it loses any meaning’ hook, he’s
created a new way for locals to find to hate and
serious desire to inflict bodily damage upon him.
Here’s hoping his offspring populate the heavens
with more hard soft folk rock songs like this one!

Collars and Shades melt the chicks like butter!

Heart Beatin’ (Tara’s Song) – Saffron Sparrow

Saffron Sparrow has a way with lyrics. Whether he’s strumming on the heartstrings of his latest girlfriend, or attempting to make a reservation without tipping the maitre d, he manages to hit all the right notes to make the ladies purr.

By mournfully emoting his theme, the ‘lub dub’ mantra, he captures the essence of what it is to be desired. Hard to believe that he’s not beating them off with a stick. but that’s something he reserves for himself, in a dark closet with the heat turned up high. Here’s hoping his offspring populate the heavens with more hard doleful ballads songs like this one!

You know the drill, and it uses batteries.

Guess What – Cherry Pi

Cherry has a way with lyrics. Whether she’s bent over half drunk in a friends commode, or lying flat on the floor of a dive bar, Cherry is always consistent in her lack of skills and etiquette. She manages to hit all the right notes to make the ladies purr.

By using drum loops and handcuffs on her remaining band members, Cherry manages to record a unique view of the world, her ego, and a sonic landscape of desolation and Id inspired mayhem before the local authorities corral her for the required 90 days. Here’s hoping her offspring populate the heavens with more pop rock anthems like this one!

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